Kamion. Semafor. Plavusa sva zadihana kuca na prozor.
Kamiondzija otvara, a plavusa govori: "Zdravo, zovem se Aida, sve ti ispada nesto iz kamiona, gubis teret".
Kamiondzija ne reaguje i nastavlja voznju.
Na sljedecem semaforu ista stvar. Kuca ona, kamiondzija otvara prozor, a plavusa sva zajapurena:"Zdravo, zovem se Aida, sve ti bolan nesto ispada iz kamiona, sve ces prosuti".
Kamiondzija opet ne reaguje i nastavlja voziti dalje.
Treci semafor i plavusa ponovo kuca. Kamiondzija vec vidno ljut otvara prozor, a plavusa vec na izmaku snaga ispaljuje rafal:
"Zdravo ja sam Aida, a tebi se sve nesto prosipa iz kamiona!"
A kamiondzija odgovara:" Zdravo ja sam Fikret, napolju pada snijeg i ja posipam so p..ka ti materina....??!!

Dosao Mujo u ljekarnu i trazi crne prezervative.
Apotekarka mu objasnjava da ima u svim bojama osim u crnoj.
- Ne, meni treba iskljucivo crni.
- Pa pogledajte, imamo ih u svim bojama: crvene, zelene, plave, ljubicaste... sto ce vam crni?
- Ma, Fati je umro muz pa joj idem izraziti sucut.

Evo sad mozete cugat i voziti jer sad cete znati kako sa deckima u plavom

Kad vas policija iduci put zaustavi, probajte neke od ovih stvari:

1. Ako policajac prica s tobom, pretvaraj se da si gluh.
2. Pitaj ga mozes li vidjeti njegov pistolj.
3. Ako neda, nego te pita zasto, reci da hoces vidjeti da li je veci od tvojega.
4. Rukuj se s njim i stalno ga dodiruj.
5. Pitaj ga gdje je dobio takvu ludu odjecu.
6. Pitaj ga da li ti posudi svoj kostim
7. Pitaj ga za ime i prezime i onda ga oslovljavaj samo imenom.
8. Pretvaraj se da si peder i pitaj ga hoce li izaci s tobom.
9. Ako kaze ne, pocni plakati.
10. Ako kaze da, prijavi ga nadredjenima.
11. Ako te hoce pregledati i kaze da moras rasiriti noge, reci mu da te ne zanima.
12. Reci mu da ti se svidjaju muskarci u uniformi.
13. Potkupi ga slatkisima.
14. Probaj istovremeno s njim reci: "Dobro vecer gospodine, vozacku i prometnu molim."
15. Ako ti da nesto za potpisati, prvo se pocesi po guzici pa onda uzmi njegovu olovku u ruku.
16. Ako ti da kemijsku u ruke, skrivaj je, rastavi i izvadi ulozak.
17. Pitaj ga ima li kcerku. Ako da, reci mu da ti je poznato njegovo prezime.
18. Nek ti sve objasni dvaput.
19. Ponovi potiho sve sto on kaze.
20. Pricaj sam sa sobom.
21. Probaj mu prodati svoj auto.
22. Pitaj ga, hoce li ti prodati svoj auto.
23. Ako te hoce voditi u policijsku postaju, pitaj mozes li ti sjediti naprijed.
24. Ako moras sjediti straga, probaj ga pipkati po glavi kroz resetku.
25. Prije nego krenete provjeri jeste li svi vezani.
26. Brzo uzmi limenku piva i otvori prije nego dodje do tvojega auta.
27. Nek ti pridrzi pivo dok trazis dokumente.
28. Reci mu barem dvaput da prtljaznik ne treba pregledavati.
29. Pitaj ga je li on jedan od Village People i pitaj gdje su ostali.
30. Pitaj ga je li ikad ubio covjeka.
31. Ako odgovori da, pitaj je li to bilo na poslu.
32. S osmjehom na odlasku mu reci: "Pozdravi zenu i moju djecu"

Bozicna song!!!

It was the night before Bozic and all through the kuca,
The air smelled of spicy sarma and rakija vruca.
By the dimnjak the slapice were hung kinda krivo,
In hopes that Sveti Nikola would soon bring me some pivo.
Tata was in his soba and he was snoring pretty hard,
I guess he was tired from stealing the tree from my neighbor'sbackyard.

Mama was in the basement cooking like a fool,
Adding just the right amount of Vegeta to the juha and fazol.
When out on the lawn there arose such galama,
Tata yelled from his room "Pa, koji je kurac vama!"
There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage,
I yelled through the window "This is a Croatian house...come in through the garage!"

And standing in the garage right next to my car,
Was my drunk Tetak Joza coming home from the bar.
"Ajde, odi spavat," I told him with might,
Ain't nobody gonna ruin my chances of seeing Sveti Nikola tonight.
About two hours later I heard a noise downstairs,
So I jumped from my krevet to see who was there.
Standing by the tree and eating some leftover pizza,
Was good ol' Sveti Nikola reeking of homemade sljivovica!

He was all dressed in red and big as an ox,
And wore some brown sandale along with black socks.
Smelling like a gypsy that's been drinking for days,
He wasn't what I expected...I was actually amazed.
"U pizdu materinu, kako mrzim ovaj posao," he said,
And then I think he muttered something about his wife and how he wished she was dead.

He put the presents under the tree while whistling a Christmas beat,
They were all wrapped up kinda shitty with the paper bags from Ottawa Street.
12 carape for me and 12 for my brother,
3 pairs of gace for my dad and a can of turska kava for my mother.

This Croatian Santa was crooked...he was nothing like the fable,
I should of known it when he swiped my pack of smokes from the table.
I yelled "Hey!" as Sveti Nikola turned around like a car,
Throwing his slapa at me as if it were a ninja star.
The look in his eyes was nothing but fright,
He said "Jebo ti pas mater" and dashed out of sight.
Up through the dimnjak I heard a loud shriek,
Sveti Nikola had just farted like some wild bik.
He got in his kaput, made for hladne zime,
And he yelled at his jelene, ime po ime.

"Naprijed Marko i Darko, Petar i Ante,
Ajde Josip i Nenad, Ivo i Mate..."
And then he yelled, "Ajdemo brzo, moramo poc,"
SRETAN BOZIC SVIMA i SVIMA LAKU NOC!!!